“Unconditional love” is the ability to love someone without limits, it is unchanging and unselfish. You want happiness for the other person regardless of the outcome or effect it has on your life.” - Wikipedia
Do you love with conditions or unconditional? Think about your definition of unconditional love.
Most times we love someone with conditions. As long as we fit into their box of expectations of what we feel a partner or relationships should be. But what happens when our values no longer align, or that person steps away from what we think is acceptable?
Loving unconditionally is about loving that person despite their imperfections. The problem is we put conditions on ourselves and therefore conditions on others. We judge them based on the same criteria we judge ourselves. We all know that we are our own worst critics.
Unfortunately, most people marry for potential rather than reality of the person they see. It's when the person becomes comfortable, their true colors come out. All those little things you loved once now become irritating. The more self- insecurities we have, the easier it is to project them onto others, especially our partner. When we are unclear within our values, we become enmeshed with our partner and lose our identity.
Sometimes we have seen the person for who they were all along but when it no longer aligns with our goals or our values, so we expect them to change to keep us happy. That is the conditions of love. We all know it is hard to change ourselves so why do we expect others to change for us.
Learning to love unconditionally starts with letting go of your own insecurities, accepting yourself as you are in this moment. Plus learning to love yourself unconditionally first. Then you are able to love and accept someone else just as they are. But remember unconditional love doesn't mean unconditional trust or tolerance.
Candace Grant holds a certificate in Neuro- Linguistic Programming and a certificate from Robbins Madanes Training for Coaching. Candace has had many years of wellness courses and has been on a path of shifting perspectives for the past 6 years. As a massage therapist for 25 years she understands the connection between the body and the mindset.