Have you ever had a deep gnawing in your stomach that is overwhelming. A body pain that just won't cease. When you go through a period of holding on to shame you may go through bouts of long term depression as your body tries to fight off this deep sense of shame.
Do you know the difference between shame and guilt?
Guilt is realizing you made a bad decision or your actions didn't align with your values. You work at correcting the situation but you know it is only about the situation and not about you or your self worth. You learn to change and grow so you do not repeat the same patterns that could potentially lead to pain and long term suffering.
Shame is about a feeling that you are not good enough. That you are a bad person. Or any action or behavior makes you bad. Shame is about a self reflection and you feel you deserve it when someone humiliates you. Guilt tells you, you don't deserve to be treated that way. Guilt allows you to have boundaries. Shame does not. Shame keeps you locked with deep emotions of trauma and triggers. It is closely related to perfectionism and the feeling of never being good enough.
Shame makes you feel unworthy of love and connection. Shame will never propel you forward but guilt will when you are able to see and learn the lessons. You will change your behaviors and learn to accept and let go of the past. Only those that have no empathy also have no shame, it is what keeps us humble and real. But too much shame hold you back in fear and the feeling of never belonging.
When you stack your shame and all the times that you felt unloved and unworthy it becomes your validation of your emotions that can lead to self- sabotage and depression. The first step to healing your shame is through self-compassion and self-care. Realizing that your behaviors are separate from your identity.
Learn to accept the past for what it was - good or bad, they are all lessons that propel us forward to a better version of ourselves. When you can't change the past you decide how you want to change your future.
If you are ready to get off the shame spiral and start feeling self love and worthiness so you can build a better foundation of boundaries and relationships contact me for a free 30 minute clarity call. A little self love goes a long way in breaking old patterns.
Candace Grant holds a certificate in Neuro- Linguistic Programming and a certificate from Robbins Madanes Training for Coaching. Candace has had many years of wellness courses and has been on a path of shifting perspectives for the past 6 years. As a massage therapist for 25 years she understands the connection between the body and the mindset.